They are turning my head out..

Its been so long since I wrote anything, its been horribly LONG since I even visited my OWN blog... but alas, such is life.
The year is almost over, and if I had the time or the inclination to, I would have pondered over every thing that happened this year.. but for the FIRST time I actually can describe something in ONE word... and the word I would use to describe this year would be EVENTFUL....I mean it was a constant rollllller coaster ... really.

"They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day the sun will come out"

Coldplay again... !
I LOVE Coldplay and their music... plagiarism cases be damned.

Every river that I tried to cross....

How is it that Coldplay ALWAYS knows what to say? ! :)













"Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved
No better and no worse.."

There was a time when I had loads of solitude, and really to be honest, I love being alone. I love writing (like this), putting on a lovely tracklist and singing along, or watching the stars, sometimes reading re-read books, or watching something feel-good like "Gilmore girls".. really, walking alone around places I know, or even just sitting at churchgate sipping coffee watching the trains...
I have recently taken to re-reading the most inspirational book of my life, ie "By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept" (Paulo Coelho). You know, I know its not really SUCH a great book, and there are parts I don't really understand, but its a book about opening yourself to love, to taking chances and risks. I read the book last November and what has followed has been exceptionally wonderful.
So recently I chanced upon it at a book store and I did what I LOVE to do... buying a favourite book! One of my most cherished dreams is to buy up all the books I loved. (Costly dream though! ) And RE-read them! (ok, I know Mr. Cute Guy thinks "NERD ALERT!") :D

There is probably nothing more sacred than having a dream, an aim in your life. However mundane and everyday it may seem. It may be the same dream as a hundred million people, but really, to work towards something, I think thats what life is all about. To be on a constant journey of learning to live, to love and to fulfill your dreams. Maybe our dreams take us to places we've not anticipated. Sometimes we have a lot to discover and a lot to travel till we can rest, and sometimes our dreams overtake us, such that without them, we find that we are LOST....

You are my dream and my journey. The manifestation of all my desires is to spend a day with you. To laugh at silly things you'd say, and to listen intently to any wise words. To play with your fingers and to see my happiness in your eyes. This is my heaven and also, my hell, MY road to Santiago. My journey and my destination.


“....But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for." Paulo Coelho, By the river...

trouble that can't be named...

have you ever felt so lost? and music seems the only thing that makes sense?
no love no hate and no anything else. the best part of every day is when i can lock myself into my darkened room and look at headlights make patterns on my walls. when i can lie in a soft bed staring at the ceiling wishing for stars. wishing. wishing is a dangerous thing. look at what i wished and how it was granted. if i knew that this would ensue, would i have wished for you. i should hope so, i should wish so.

trouble that can't be named, and tigers waiting to be tamed.

Of sticky fingers...and dry toes!

There are some things in life I JUST can't stand. They irk me almost senseless. I have irrational fears about stuff, and I have meaningless habits, but thats just the way I am, unexplainably weird.

Like take sticky hands for example... I can't stand if my hands are sticky. Like the stickiness you get after sunday morning jam-n-toast breakfast. The pink jam that somehow always finds its way onto your hands. Or like the stickiness after eating fruit. URGH! SO I HAVE to have to wash my hands when they get that sticky. Before anything.

And take dry toes. I have this habit I picked up from living admist shifting sand-dunes (ie ,Rajasthan) , that you've GOT to be moisturized at ALL times. And your toes HAVE to be nice and PINK! Yeah, I know there were a hundred times MORE important things in this world, but I CANT help it. Irrational, I know!

Ok, the whole point of this rather 'pointless' post is that I ate pomegranate seeds a while ago, and got my fingers pink and sticky thanks to the lovely pink-purple juice, and I'm itching to go and wash my hands.
WHY am I not going then?

Like I maintain, unexplainably weird!

the sexiest lyrics EVER!

"When the future's architectured

By a carnival of idiots on show

You'd better lie low"

violet hill

Coldplay, but ofcourse!

WHATS going on?!

You know, I'm a rather passive person I'd say... I rarely get kicked about anything social and even when I am, its a chance possibility that I'm going to DO anything about it. Im just very caught up in my own life. Infact, much to chagrin of a close friend, when I said I wasn't SHIT excited about India winning a gold at the olympics, I was told I'm not patriotic.
Now, dont get me wrong. I'm an army daughter. I will always be one. When I go to see a movie and I hear the National Anthem, I give it the "civilian salute". Till I was about three, I had seen more tanks than cars. AND I was more excited that India would import Airconditioned Tanks than I was about us buying a airconditioned car. And I STILL see the Republic Day parade with much gusto, and feel sentimental about MY country, and so, unpatriaotic, I am NOT.

So it really pains me, when learned and educated leaders divide up the people of our country on the basis of LANGUAGE. I mean isnt it enough that a country as vast as ours, having to deal with communal riots and problems in almost every state, has to be divided on regional basis as well? I really think, that if that was the case, and only marathi should be spoken in Mumbai, then why the gujurathi hoardings? Infact I find as an erstwhile student of a south mumbai school that it is more important to learn gujurathi to survive in the city. I am now currently interning with a chartered accountancy firm and I see that almost all large stand alone businesses are owned and manned by Gujurathis in Mumbai. Why, my college has a Gujurathi division too.
So, I would like to ask the learned politicians (who, btw do not even form the opposition in the state), why single out north indians? If only marathi people can live and reside in Mumbai, Id like to see then uprooting the gujurathi businesses and households. Can such a thing be imagined? I hope not.
We live in a democratic country, and HINDI is our national language. I dont think anyone can put a gun to my head and tell me speak in marathi, if i speak in Hindi.
And lastly, dear learned politician , maybe when you were in the sixth grade, there was a subject that was taught, called CIVICS and I distinctly remember having being taught a rather essential part about out constitution in that... ie Fundamental Rights... heard of those?

Really, Mr Politician, as if bombs every two days weren't enough worry for Indians that you should now demand SUCH irrational things!

(The author that is ME, would like to mention that I am an marathi, and honestly, I dont see quite the fuss about it! To me, I'm an Indian before anything.... but hey, maybe thats not the way YOU think! )

its almost the end of this DEADLY month! seriously, WHATTAAA month... ! If you are in anyways connected to income tax return filings, you shall probably sympathize with me... ! basically i just didn't want the blog to feel SO left out... and so here i am, writing JUST to mark the end of a disastrous month ! hopefully October shall be better...
u know i have always associated characters with months... like February is a pleasant month,... march ALWAYS sucks... inspite of my birthday being smack in the middle of the month, its just an EXAM month... hatee march... ! Im particularly neutral about May... i mean with a name like that... May... the only thing about May is the heat! but really what a silly name! May I? No u may not!

July is a favourite followed by autumn... because of the rainnnnn! I love what it does to people and this place I stay!

:)

"Nothing like your smile made of sun"

-the one
shakira

What I remember the most about your smile is that I have never felt that happy.

a play of lights...

Love is sacred, and it is pure. The knowledge of loving has been imbibed in us since we were born. It is a need, to dedicate your life to a person, an ambition, a happiness, a dream, a song , a cause, a thing. It takes us through journeys we couldn't have imagined we had the strength for, it makes the hardest things easy. Love is a play of lights, sometimes its as brilliant, as iridescent as a sparkling ray , and sometimes, as dark as gloomy shadows. It is as natural as the rain, and as true as the earth's blood. To have loved someone, deeply and truly, makes us a different person. I truly feel that if all of my achievements were to be arranged and scaled, then loving you would be the thing I'm most proud of, of what I'm most sure of.

More than anything, love is instinct. The way one just knows the person, the right person. So I fail to understand, how can loving someone or something be wrong?

My life is brilliant, my love is pure...

Stand under a yellow street lamp and look up at the falling rain. It looks like little drops of amber colored liquid falling from the sky. Every distinct rain drop falls on my mad faded smile and when I twirl, the illuminated drops of water twirl along with me. It makes me feel as if I'm looking into a kaleidoscope. Spiralling in and spiralling out. Very pretty.

I have a wonderful song playing on my phone, and there are people on the road hurrying home. I walk slowly as usual and turn into my street. To be honest, this very street sent me into throes of depression four years back... there is a moss covered wall, sectioning off some quaint house into a corner. The stones that cover the walkway are stained with the colour the fruit of the overhead jamun trees, purple- blue, like the night sky. In the day, there is a jewel green shady glow to this corner of the street, and at night, it is pitch black. I run my fingers along the edge of the soft green velvet sometimes, and pretend it is some beautiful tapestry.

:)

"You know I can't smile without you
I can't smile without you
I can't laugh and I can't sing
I'm finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through
I just can't smile without you

You came along just like a song
And brightened my day
Who would have believed that you were part of a dream
Now it all seems light years away"

barry minlow!

hehehehe...( YOUUUU like this song!)

He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

W.B. Yeats (1865–1939)

Miracle Drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit...

I am you and you are mine
Love makes no sense of space
And time...will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love...

U2

hope...

Its unfortunate that the only thing we seem to depend upon is hope. For what is hope really? To me I'd think its just the desires of the heart repeated over and over again. So when some of life's biggest decisions are based on hope, what does it mean really?
My sister, quite the adventurist, found out about some silly website a few years ago, Death clock or something. Where supposedly, you could find out the exact date you would die.Aaah, but there were options too... If you are an optimist and live with Hope, then automatically add 15 or so years to your life.
I hope that one day I will be able to look at these miserably despondent days and laugh. I also hope that when I do that, I feel that life wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I hope that one day I shall see the days taking shape of what I keep wishing them to be. I hope one day I shall decorate a kitchen with hand painted tiles of the colour blue, that one day I will feed fresh fruit, breaking it off heavy laden branches.

There is hope and that is all that there is. Do not allow complacency to creep through the heart I guard so vigilantly, like cold, sneaking in through cracks at night. Do not let the dreams grow musty and old, fearful of decaying. Keep these hearts safe from all that threatens.

There is hope and that is all that there is. Its a lot to ask for. And its more than everything to have.

damn! I cant seem to write ANYthing! DAMN damn damn!

"Love is happiness given back and forth"
:)

Yesterday I went to look at the sea. In spite of being so dirty, the sea mesmerized me. I looked at the waves falling over each other, rolling , and I could have stood there looking at the waves forever. There is something so alluring about the water coming in crashing and then receding. Clockwork, in and out. Nature is like that, people are like that. Clockwork. If you suck in your breath and taste it on your tongue, you can taste the salt, a hint of it. The sea wind gets in your hair, and tosses it about, whips it across your face.

Yesterday I was walking back home late at night when it began to pour. There was a lovely coldplay song playing on my playlist. And I could feel the tiredness creep into my walk. After a while I couldn't walk straight anymore. But the song pulled me on, and just to be able to be alone, in the darkness made me happy. I could play on the steps again.

and so it rained!

Have you ever noticed the gleam of a wet road under yellow streetlamps? It almost looks like a road made out of dirty gold, the way it gleams, so dully. Footsteps make no sound and even if they would, there aren't any footsteps that accompany mine. I walk alone (pretty much like Greenday, but without the aa-aa, aa-aa's!) I love the road when its like this, the rain has stopped, but some stray drops that the leaves overhead collected fall on my hair, glinting like tiny sequins I might have forgotten to shake away.
If it should start to pour now, I would like to get drenched in the cold rain. I would love to let my cotton clothes soak and cling to my skin. The water gets in my eyes, I have to close them and wipe the water away from my eyelids. The water enters my mouth, my face is wet, and I do little to stop that. My hair is heavy with the rainwater.... it will be frizzy when it dries. There are puddles and pools, a few more hours of uninterrupted rains, and it will 'flood'... When the rain stops, it would have washed up silt, dirt and grime up on this very road.
There are many reasons for which people hate the rains. And I have only one true reason to love them so much. I'm a dreamer and an incurable romantic, and walks in the rains, are right on top of my list!

(PS..the picture that accompanies this post is of course, part of my super modest photography, taken in a puddle in Coimbatore! )

Joooone!

I never knew it would be JUNE
this SOON!
I'm very pleased, I must add!
Pretty crappy month, though, June,
I like July way better!

Surrounded by SUNFLOWERS!

I went away on a trip this weekend and got THIS back for my dear blog!

and i ADOREEEE sunflowers... i love the way they turn to the sun, follow it wherever it goes..

n life currently DOES seem surrounded by sunflowers!

Well I say I love the rains, and I DO... but sometimes, I'm just a sunnny person!

Stay Safe Tonight.

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring...
And love is not the easy thing...
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind

U2

Happppy First Buuuuddddaaaayyyy!!!

SO, my dear blog turned a year older on the 14th of May this year! Happy First Birthday Blog!!

I remember this blog was born outta sheer frustation during my CPT days... when even the thought of tackling those (then) monstrous books seemed to almost send me into a deep dark black place!! LOL... SO one lazy afternoon after endless hours of orkutting, I decided, DAMN man.... lets blog! To tell the truth, I thought it wouldnt last this long.... that I would give up, like most of the things I do... Butttt, the thought of studying propelled me into more time wasting techniques, and blogging topping it all! Lately though, thanks to the hectic lifestyle that has seemed to descend upon me, I find hardly anytime to write anything worthwhile... how horrible, i agree! This blog has seen a lot of me, many thoughts and feelings that I have decided to openly share with the entire web space.. It has been one of my creations I have been the most proud of.... It has also earned me some of what I'd like to call, my "fans"...! ( yes, I'm very modest!) ... And very many thanks are due to all those kind people at blogger who insist on making it better all the time! I loveee u blog!

Happpppppy Birthday!

(ooooh! and mannnyyy more to come!)

May

And into that gate they shall enter, and in that house they
shall dwell,where there shall be no cloud nor sun, no
darkness nor dazzling, but one equal light, no noise nor
silence, but one equal music, no fears nor hopes, but one
equal possession, no foes nor friends, but one equal
communion and identity, no ends nor beginnings, but one
equal eternity.

John Donne.

come away with me

to you,

"Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away with me where they can't tempt us
With their lies

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
knee kigh

So won't you try to come

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountain top

Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me "


-Urs

norah jones might have written this song, but I swear I mean it more than she could have.

as if you have a choice...

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear, my voice

I'll be right beside you, dear...

snow patrol.

So after Coldplay, I think I like these guys the most...

I remember telling someone recently, "I listen to obscure music"... I do, I do! and I love alllll of it... I like a song for what it speaks to me, and for what it talks about. Sometimes I just like songs because of the name of the song. Sometimes I like songs because it reminds me of places I've been to, or people I've met. Mostly, I like songs because, there is hardly a truer form of self-expression. Words and sound. Written and sung. Crafted on paper, and strummed on guitars. Some songs are palpable, reach out, and you can touch the melody.

Its past mid- april. wow!

and because i was early...

I happened to once, albeit by chance, reach work early. And since I am quite the dreamer, I decided to sit and watch the early morning rush at Churchgate Stn. It was like clockwork, a train would pull in, and you would be hit by the sheer numbers of preoccupied, busy, unsmiling Mumbaikars. Each as busy as the the next person. I was just sitting, sipping Himalachal Pradesh railway tourism apple juice, enjoying the irony. Try walking against the crowd, and you'd feel like you are breaking every rule in the book, the amount of dirty looks the people would throw your way. Soon all this crowd would disappear, peter out of all these various exists. But not before another train would pull in, carrying another million stories, another million loves , hopes and another million disappointments.

Safety in numbers, very much so. All these people I don't know. I can be whomever I want to. All these people who don't know ME... and I can be whomever I want to. Read a book, and drink juice all day.... Spend time writing long letters, running graphite on paper. How lovely and idyllic!

"Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
to remind me
to find my own "
snow patrol....

a flower in my mothers garden

how lovely is this demarcation? between water and land? between dark and light? between you and me? and in the middle, in this thin curve of insanity, i find us. the holes in this beautiful flower reminds me of how flawed perfection is. Perfection is flawed? or are flaws perfect? We have faults, and we tend to them with love. We have difficulties and we look at them fondly, because however difficult life gets, after all its ours to live. and love.

a walk about town

Aaah! Flora Fountain!

Salvation!

The other day I was in FORT area of town for an audit. When I decided to learn a little bit about this area, by walking it. So I began my wonder-wander, and roamed about my own city like a tourist. Happy and lost, satisfying this immense wanderlust that I have. I walked with this huge bemused grin on my face, twirling sometimes mid-step. Walking through the pretty, run down architecture, taking pictures of this and that, asking for directions.... (and as per my observations, pan-beedi waala's and mochis are the BEST people to ask an obscure question like "Bhaiya! XYZ building kaha hain?!")

My way of realising I am not at lost as I appear to be is reaching Flora Fountain, or Hutatma Chowk, as B.E.S.T buses know it. Once on another of my 'Learn-Mumbai-Jaunts', I remember reaching Fountain and whooping with joy! That time, I'd been in too much of a hurry to reach my destination to take a picture of this wonderful monument. So when I reached these ladies this time, I knew I was right in all that lane-guessing. And thus, Salvation.

Ooh btw, if you see Hindi movies, there is no way you would not have seen this building, conveniently morphing into Courts, Police stations, libraries and colleges, depending on the demand of the script... Pretty building too.

(Please excuse the not-so-great pictures! Not that I claim to be an expert photographer, but i use the camera of a nokia phone!)

Youth, it is a faint wine...

Very recently, someone decided to send me a mail appreciating this labour of love! and some of the kind words deserve to go up here! and so they are....

"Youth, it is a faint wine,

Fill it all up till it lasts.

When the wine grows dearer -

In your greying soul-pot,

Open up, let them flow away.

Fill up the very next day.

It is hard being done.

It is better that way."

the blue synagogue

I walked to it, slowly and waiting. And when I finally saw it, felt redeemed.

Walked to it in the Sun, asking directions, taking help.

The blue building stood out admist the yellow drab ones and not that it was any less drab than the ones surrounding it, it felt special, because it was SO blue.

I walked to it with the certainty that I'd find it today, and even if i got lost, I had ample help .

and likewise,

I walk to YOU, every step is contributing to this great journey I must make before I can see the lights in your eyes.

I must make this journey, and I know my limbs might falter, at the sheer length of this distance.

I make this journey, whose end I dont see in sight.

But I know I have ample help. Yours.

All that noise, and all that sound....

"All that noise and all that sound
All those places I got found"

So I turn 19 by the end of this week. How exciting.
And here I am wishing again.
Blow the candles long enough.
And there you are. I wish!

blood /blʌd/[bluhd]
–noun
1.
the fluid that circulates in the principal vascular system of human beings and other vertebrates, in humans consisting of plasma in which the red blood cells, white blood cells, and platelets are suspended.

March.

My head is spinning,
I wish, the earth spun this fast.
The days fade and liven again.
You sleep sweetly dreaming sweetly of me
Sinews and blood, I'd love you so deeply
I'd love your skin and your bones,
Lie with you, and drink from your thoughts
The sweetness of life. This sheer wonder.
These days will fade, and ones with you will liven
Jewels, those days, I will wear them in my hair,
Precious, I will hide them away.
You will smile, indulgent, and I
I will count the myriad colours in your eyes.

what you risk,reveals what you value.

"The earliest pilgrims shared a cathedral for a heart. They were the temple not made with hands. The Eklasia of God. The song that carried them over the waves was the hymn that rung the rafters. Their throats were bare for God. Look at them now, heads thrown back, mouths open, alone but for the gulls that dip the prow. Against the too salt sea and the inhospitable sky, their voices made a screen of praise.

Love it was that drove them forth. Love that brought them home again. Love hardened their hands against the oar and heated their sinews against the rain. The journeys they made were beyond common sense; who leaves the hearth for the open sea? especially without a compass, especially in winter, especially alone. What you risk reveals what you value. In the presence of love, hearth and quest become one. "

Jeannette Winterson

Written On The Body.

you've got mail

three powerful words!

Something almost out of a dream.

There's something special about living by the sea, and the seasons deciding not to follow the patterns they are supposed to according to fifth standard geography books. Its all mixed up really. Sometimes I feel that every season is exploding into each other, slowly merging into each other to disorient me. Every tree decides to shed its leaves when its' heart so desires. There are beautiful red leaves under my feet when I walk ever so dreamily, fooling me into believing that its autumn. And when I look upwards towards the hot Sun, it streams through translucent jewel green leaves, filtering its yellow threads into the world. I walk slowly, imagining the textures of stone, of the roads, of your fingers linked with mine, of your voice. I walk past a school and the noisy children do precious little to bring me out of my dreamy world. The school buses full of laughter and fight, the fallen and rapidly melting purple ice-lolly, the dirty and cuffed uniforms remind me of an innocent, special time.

Innocent joy, what harm are we doing to anyone except for ourselves? Stealing magical time, once every day, spinning dreams together. Waiting so much just for those five glorious minutes. Such joy, and such reality. Waiting so much to never see that hated, despised word again. Bye.

Every song has your voice and every smile hides yours. Somewhere hidden, in the labyrinth of my imagination are the words you've said to me. I pick the days spent with you in my hands, and shiny, they slither to the floor. Softly, like a whisper , dreamily like a little child's mind, you intoxicate me with my own name. Why does it sound so beautiful coming from you? And why does yours roll off my tongue, silently, like a secret. I am almost afraid to say it out loud, the walls have ears or so they say. Why should the walls know my innermost thoughts?

There already is early summer fruit on the mango trees lining my lane. The koels are waiting expectantly for the fruit to swell and sweeten, so that they can bore into them, drinking the sweet nectar. They wait, and so do I. They do not falter, like every generation before this one.
I will not falter, when I know you await me too.

to look at you

damn all those lucky people who can
look at you and shower you with smiles.
damn all those lucky people who dont
have to think about hours and years, minutes and miles.

for YOU!

Together, Nonetheless.

Wait you say, and wait I will
I'd walk blindly, trustingly, if I hear you call,
Hold on, you say and you say we'll pull through.
You have safe hands, and I will surely fall.
Listen you say, and how can I not,
My heart beats to you, drumming silently,
I pick out your vibrations running fingers on wood,
Your message, among the millions at sea.
See you say, and I close my mind to everything else
Fingers entwined with yours and longingly so
Like sand through the crevice in my palms, water through streams
Time will, surely, effortlessly flow.
Pick me up off the shiny floor of my dreams,
Sew me together, frayed that I am, at edges
In the secure lock of your arms I place my head
Trust me, my love, like I trust your pledges.
Beautiful and red, like a summer's day
I shine violently, with the blaze of all my happiness
Starlit, lovingly by the diamonds in your eyes,
However distant it may seem, we are together nonetheless.

Sanjana Chandorkar
10 Feb 2008

Winter Sunshine.

Mumbai is inordinately cold this winter, and its got everyone surprised. So am I. But this year is so magical, this just adds to the sparkle of our love. The maddening intensity of it all. So since we're getting to enjoy cold this year, I'm gettin to do ALL of those things i havent done since my childhood days. Like turning my face up to the faint winter sun, going for a lovely walk in the afternoon, snuggling under quilts in the mornings, sipping on hot coffee wearing a sweater. Have pockets full of lozenges, and tissues. I think I'm just feeling colder because I want to enjoy it soo much.

Being in Mumbai for four years now, has made me this HUGE rain lover. I LOVE walking in the rain. And walking in the winter sun is my absolute second favourite after that. I dont know, but winter sunshine is just more yellow compared to the summer's . I love the way it falls between leaves, making patterns on stone walkways. Its almost palpable- like you can put your hand out and get a handful of yellowing gold. Lighting brown eyes to honey. Putting a resplendent glow on faces that are framed with wool. Picking out subtle highlights in my auburn hair. Playing with the diamonds in rings, throwing rainbows on keyboards. I love sitting next to the window and feel the warmth on the back of my neck. Like a silent love. It deepens the myriad smiles on your lips, so sweet.

hw sweet! n HW effing true!

I just found this song.... and apparently a WHOLE lotta people are in the complicated mess we're in! But this song is SOO beautiful... there are some parts we could have written.... I love this song.
And here's the whole song... because all of it is SO damn true!



Hey There Delilah
Whats It Like In New York City?
Well I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Time Square cant shine as bright as You
I Swear Its True

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath awayI'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
but we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

What you do to me

the plain white tee's

my lack of desire to write, is not only surprising, but also ironical.
i would have thought, that i would want to tell the world...
but this is sooo precious, that even writing about it somehow takes away from the bright lustre it has.
dreams do come true, well, atleast partially for now.

Livin on a prayer!

"She says:
We've got to hold on to what we've got
It DOES make a difference
If we make it or not
We've got each other and that's a lot
For love - we'll give it a shot

Ohh...We're half way there
Woah !! Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear
Livin' on a prayer"

Jon Bon Jovi.

(slightly amended...)
but I'm sure we will...

make a wish

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called "Yellow"

So then I took my turn
Oh what a thing to have done
And it was all "Yellow"

Your skin
Oh yeah, your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful

You know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh what a thing to do
'Cause you were all "Yellow"

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all "Yellow"

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
And you know

For you I'd bleed myself dry
For you I'd bleed myself dry

It's true, look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine for you
Look how they shine

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do


With all the marvellous changes in my life currently, and the beautiful things that are happening, I'm also falling for this song again! When I walk out around in the wonderfully warming sunshine, I imagine it falling on your face, lighting your eyes to a lighter brown than they are already. The yellow sunshine deepens the smile on your face, carving deep laugh lines. Brown and warm, two of my favourite things.
The stars are so distant in this city, and they remind me of a time when I could actually see falling stars. Run after them in glee and hoping to catch one. Make a wish! and it will come true. Make a wish, and yours dreams will be magically true . Close your eyes and pray real hard and it will happen.

Is it really happening? Close my eyes, and make it happen.

Ahaa!

"Tell me where it hurts
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you and that’s the truth
They don’t love me, I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell ..."

Garbage, tell me where it hurts.

be-causeeee!

Fifteen minutes, and almost maddening joy,
All I want is more, but I have to let you go too,
Fifteen minutes, just, but still such wonder,
Even myriad hours with you feel so few.

ok, bla!

WRITERS BLOCK!

I don't feel like writing anything. I'm living such a diametrically opposite existence. I'm almost ALWAYS smiling to myself while on the train, the over-freaking-crowded stations, the walkways... I smile at anyone, and I feel blessed. If the radio plays an unepected favourite, I feel like the heavens have descended upon me. Even the grime of Andheri does little to bring me down from the clouds I increasingly find myself in. I navigate through traffic almost giddily, breaking onto tiny dance steps anytime. If I look up, and find light streaming in through the patchwork of some tree, I twirl around, and feel like I'm in some stupid Falguni Pathak music video. I think I'm really liking being alone so much.

All this joy, and the slowly creeping realisation that its too dear, and it may just go one day. And the quick descend to mother earth.

'Til Kingdom Come....

How ironic to have found this song TODAY!
How very ironic really. I really adore Coldplay. Have you seen the video of their lovely song "Fix You" ? In the end, the entire audience sings along with Chris Martin.... though I know THAT is nothing new in concerts, I just adore the way everyONE sings "And igg-ni-ii-ii-ii-tteee your bones...."
They (Coldplay) sing INTO your hearts... though my love and admiration for Coldplay is relatively new, considering how long they have been around, I hope they never stop! More than anything, I love the way a song gets inside your head, and till you listen to it on repeat, doesn't let go...
Every song of theirs becomes "Favourite Coldplay Number of the Fortnight!"!

I just truly love them!

And the song, the ironic song!

" Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I've never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know which way I've come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you, I've waited all these years

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don't know which way I'm going
I don't know what I'll become

For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for ME"

Diwali, last.

An Equal Music, Seth.

I shall always call this book special. Not only for the obvious reason, ie, it is a good book, though if I were being completely honest, I would think it was missing something.
Anyways, the other reason why this book will always be special is because, it was the first thing I bought with my VERY hard earned stipend! It was such an enormously delightful time I had, in the bookstore chain, browsing through, for a potential "First book". I think I stayed there for more than three hours, and then finally picked up what I had zeroed in on, in the first five minutes!
I have lugged this book around from Churchgate to Andheri, have read it standing up poker straight holding on for dear life, waiting for the 5:15 Borivali Fast, have read and re-read parts of this book continuously, and have felt a strange sense of loss when I finally finished it.

The one thing I don't understand is why do people ask me the (to me) quite senseless and silly question, "When do you GET time to read all these 'novels'?" To which I reply, "Travelling", but honestly, I don't need to FIND time, if I don't read something, anything, I feel a sense of emptiness. I hate that. Last year, I did not read much, and I felt horrible bout it. SO, this would be my new-year resolution, if I believed in them, to read MORE.

"Perhaps even our states of exaltation are akin to the dizziness that comes from lacking air.... "
An Equal Music, Vikram Seth

Sparks.

These days are magical. I find myself walking slowly, rapturously, late at night. Breathing the crisp air, almost devoid of the dirt, heat and pollution of the day. Taking full steps, languorously. Listening to favourite Coldplay songs and walking home. I have come to cherish this part of the day, have come to look forward to it.

But, most of all, these days are magical. Nothing distresses me more than the certainty of their end. And their certain end being so Close. I can't even honestly wish for them to carry on like this, guilt-ridden, laden with tempt, and their very existence being questioned, again and yet again.

Nothing saddens me more, than the obvious regret I will feel, and nothing could make this better. It stays.

I try to sing a few lines from a favourite song, and look up, alas, sadly in this over-ridden city, romantics can't even see the stars. So I twirl around- dizzily, madly, joyfully, and the few people on the streets must think I'm daft, but can I care? When everything I truly adore is ripping my heart out, can I honestly claim to care what unknown people think of the things I do?

I wrote an unaddressed letter yesterday standing in the train, grey lead running smoothly over paper, again and again, ceaselessly. I love the sound it makes, so soothing. The letter rests at the bottom of my bag, yellowing. I wish I could stamp it and mail it to you.

He talks of overhead costs. We scribble madly in our books, the "Budgeted Overhead Absorption Rate". I want to drown myself in you, live in your life, and all that I can think of is Fixed expenses, and Variable Expenses.

The only thing that is fixed, is this longing. And the only thing that is variable is this longing.

Why won't you realise?

A mad rush, curses and songs, trains and peoples,

A maddening beep, a twin blue light, I'm lost, a smile reluctant,

You can't stay mad at me, you can't stay away from me,

I fall like a grumpy petal, saddened and petulant.

a simple obvious message..

" You said, 'I love you and my love for you makes any other life a lie.' Can this be true, this simple obvious message, or am I like those shipwrecked mariners who seize an empty bottle and eagerly read out what isn't there? "

Random

I've been wondering.... is it stupid? What I'm doing? Sometimes I think I must be crazy for doing all that I'm doing.... for building this whole sand CITY in the air. And then the next minute I'm sure what I'm doing is absolutely right, that I deserve it, and should get it.
My friends advise me different things, and I get confused. My heart tells me to do go what-EVER I want to. My super-practical and intelligent brain is surprisingly quiet about everything. (And all day long I roam about with the feeling that I must be the most impractical person in the world!)

I found myself counting the windows of the buildings that pass from Churchgate to Dadar... to pass the time, and to STOP thinking... and I lose count after 75 windows.... and find myself back to my wonderfully impractical world of dreams.

ALL those people in the trains I see... and I wonder why is it that we all are looking for the same thing? All those ladies rushing to and fro work, managing husbands, families, children, and a billion other things. Why is it that one life is so identical to the other, in the bigger picture? Replace one or two aspects, and my life could be yours, and we wouldn't know the difference.
The same thing, its almost like a fashion trend....get an education, get a job, get married, get 2 kids, get the whole Indian dream, get settled .....bla bla bla....

Why are we following it?

And who sold us this dream? Whatever happened to the whirlwind romance in Italy? Whatever happened to the sand castles?

cute!

"You go to my head with a smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance
You go to my head"

Rod Stewart!

Happy so-n-so

Happy New Year!!! Happy journey! Happy Valentine's day! Happy March! Happy Mothers Day! Happy Baisakhi! Happy Your Blue Tuesday! Happy Wedding Anniversary! Happy Being-In-Love day! Happy First Pink Mole day! Happy Birthday too!

I wish we could dispense happiness with the same ease that we can dispense these wishes....

There was this fantastic movie I saw, "13 conversations About One Thing"... and there was this line in it..."Ask yourself if you are really happy, and you cease to be so."