An Equal Music, Seth.

I shall always call this book special. Not only for the obvious reason, ie, it is a good book, though if I were being completely honest, I would think it was missing something.
Anyways, the other reason why this book will always be special is because, it was the first thing I bought with my VERY hard earned stipend! It was such an enormously delightful time I had, in the bookstore chain, browsing through, for a potential "First book". I think I stayed there for more than three hours, and then finally picked up what I had zeroed in on, in the first five minutes!
I have lugged this book around from Churchgate to Andheri, have read it standing up poker straight holding on for dear life, waiting for the 5:15 Borivali Fast, have read and re-read parts of this book continuously, and have felt a strange sense of loss when I finally finished it.

The one thing I don't understand is why do people ask me the (to me) quite senseless and silly question, "When do you GET time to read all these 'novels'?" To which I reply, "Travelling", but honestly, I don't need to FIND time, if I don't read something, anything, I feel a sense of emptiness. I hate that. Last year, I did not read much, and I felt horrible bout it. SO, this would be my new-year resolution, if I believed in them, to read MORE.

"Perhaps even our states of exaltation are akin to the dizziness that comes from lacking air.... "
An Equal Music, Vikram Seth

Sparks.

These days are magical. I find myself walking slowly, rapturously, late at night. Breathing the crisp air, almost devoid of the dirt, heat and pollution of the day. Taking full steps, languorously. Listening to favourite Coldplay songs and walking home. I have come to cherish this part of the day, have come to look forward to it.

But, most of all, these days are magical. Nothing distresses me more than the certainty of their end. And their certain end being so Close. I can't even honestly wish for them to carry on like this, guilt-ridden, laden with tempt, and their very existence being questioned, again and yet again.

Nothing saddens me more, than the obvious regret I will feel, and nothing could make this better. It stays.

I try to sing a few lines from a favourite song, and look up, alas, sadly in this over-ridden city, romantics can't even see the stars. So I twirl around- dizzily, madly, joyfully, and the few people on the streets must think I'm daft, but can I care? When everything I truly adore is ripping my heart out, can I honestly claim to care what unknown people think of the things I do?

I wrote an unaddressed letter yesterday standing in the train, grey lead running smoothly over paper, again and again, ceaselessly. I love the sound it makes, so soothing. The letter rests at the bottom of my bag, yellowing. I wish I could stamp it and mail it to you.

He talks of overhead costs. We scribble madly in our books, the "Budgeted Overhead Absorption Rate". I want to drown myself in you, live in your life, and all that I can think of is Fixed expenses, and Variable Expenses.

The only thing that is fixed, is this longing. And the only thing that is variable is this longing.

Why won't you realise?

A mad rush, curses and songs, trains and peoples,

A maddening beep, a twin blue light, I'm lost, a smile reluctant,

You can't stay mad at me, you can't stay away from me,

I fall like a grumpy petal, saddened and petulant.

a simple obvious message..

" You said, 'I love you and my love for you makes any other life a lie.' Can this be true, this simple obvious message, or am I like those shipwrecked mariners who seize an empty bottle and eagerly read out what isn't there? "

Random

I've been wondering.... is it stupid? What I'm doing? Sometimes I think I must be crazy for doing all that I'm doing.... for building this whole sand CITY in the air. And then the next minute I'm sure what I'm doing is absolutely right, that I deserve it, and should get it.
My friends advise me different things, and I get confused. My heart tells me to do go what-EVER I want to. My super-practical and intelligent brain is surprisingly quiet about everything. (And all day long I roam about with the feeling that I must be the most impractical person in the world!)

I found myself counting the windows of the buildings that pass from Churchgate to Dadar... to pass the time, and to STOP thinking... and I lose count after 75 windows.... and find myself back to my wonderfully impractical world of dreams.

ALL those people in the trains I see... and I wonder why is it that we all are looking for the same thing? All those ladies rushing to and fro work, managing husbands, families, children, and a billion other things. Why is it that one life is so identical to the other, in the bigger picture? Replace one or two aspects, and my life could be yours, and we wouldn't know the difference.
The same thing, its almost like a fashion trend....get an education, get a job, get married, get 2 kids, get the whole Indian dream, get settled .....bla bla bla....

Why are we following it?

And who sold us this dream? Whatever happened to the whirlwind romance in Italy? Whatever happened to the sand castles?

cute!

"You go to my head with a smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance
You go to my head"

Rod Stewart!

Happy so-n-so

Happy New Year!!! Happy journey! Happy Valentine's day! Happy March! Happy Mothers Day! Happy Baisakhi! Happy Your Blue Tuesday! Happy Wedding Anniversary! Happy Being-In-Love day! Happy First Pink Mole day! Happy Birthday too!

I wish we could dispense happiness with the same ease that we can dispense these wishes....

There was this fantastic movie I saw, "13 conversations About One Thing"... and there was this line in it..."Ask yourself if you are really happy, and you cease to be so."

Some people have bigger hearts.

Sometimes, you see someone in a special light. You realise that the person they are, is splendid. That they bring about the happiest days in your life without doing much, by just only being there... Others ask you repeatedly "What do you see in xyz?" And all you can do is smile secretly, because you know, however eloquent you get, these people are not going to get it- the reason.

Some people expect perfection. Sometimes, they even get it. Others, prefer loving someone so deeply that everything they do, becomes perfect. The perfect smile to lift the dreadliest of days, the eyes, with that immensely mad sparkle. Everything - just right. Slowly they become right, just right!

What can I say, some people just have bigger hearts...

carrot/orange

my favourite fruit juice....

and HOW jobless I really am!

Sparks...

Did I drive you away?
I know what you'll say
You'll say, "Oh, sing one we know"
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
That's what I'll do

I say "oh"
I say "oh"

My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
That's what I do
And I know I was wrong
But I won't let you down
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will…)

I said "oh"
I cry "oh"

Yeah I saw sparks
Yeah I saw sparks
And I saw sparks
Yeah I saw sparks

Singing out

La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…
La, la, la, la, oh…

COLDPLAY.


What a wonderful song.

puro amore

If not tonight
Waiting forever
Just to see your face
Waiting is all that I seem to do





puro amore, the cranberries...