the words that don't come out...(Reposted from http://fervencyofhope.blogspot.com/)

You see the smile that's on my mouth, 
It's hiding the words that don't come out."


Recently I underwent a change so huge it shook me. I hid it (or atleast I think I did) and I smiled through it and only let the tears come when I was alone at night, watching the stars. In the day, I would get dressed, do my make-up routine and slap on a smile on my face and carry on like my heart wasn't breaking. Carried on as if the clearly thought-out dreams and hopes I had spun hadn't just been  tossed aside rather brutally.


So I mourned the loss. The loss of my trust, the loss of a friendship, the loss of much laughter and many smiles. The loss of so many conversations.  More than anything, the loss of my dreams.


And then it came to me. Very much like the famed realizations, very much like the shaft of light that throws things in a new perspective. What came to me was the following-


I could start over. I could choose a different path for myself. And I could dream a whole set of new things. I was a kid in a candy store and I could pick out something else now. Something I didn't know I wanted. I was free. I was free from the life I had picked out for myself three years ago. I was free and I could do something else now. I could BE someone else now. Or I could just be me.


Maybe I've learnt more in the past few weeks than I have in so long, and I have been shaken out of my lazed contentedness. I've lost so much in one fell swoop, it takes me time to fully comprehend the loss.


But I think, having found myself, was worth it.


(June 21,2010)

almost lover ..

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do


A fine frenzy, almost lover 

One for sorrow..

There are loads of birds nesting in the trees outside my windows. Typical city birds that nest in mango trees. Such as crows, pigeons, cuckoos, and parrots. I've seen them all come and chirp around in my window.
Today as I sat on my bed, looking out and as always, wondering about where I have reached, one lonely magpie hopped into my window.

How did that rhyme go? One for sorrow...

Talk about symbolism

but man, I loved yeah, I loved when I loved it was love it was love or at least, the closest I got

A very cute song I found while watching my favourite show.

Go here to see the song!

but man, I loved
yeah, I loved
when I loved
it was love
it was love
or at least, the closest I got


the elected

Twenty ONE! :O

Ten days ago, I turned twenty one
A quiet birthday, even though quite fun.
I hear, we wisen up with time
Apparently, we still don't learn how to rhyme!

guess whooo!

Yes!
I am back here!
after much experimentation which resulted in no DATES on my blog I decided to finally sort my poor blog out and came back to the url that felt like home ... all sunny and warm!

I was able to import the whole blog back WITH comments ! how awesome !

About A Boy

Almost always, all you need is an embrace. A hug to drown yourself in. A sea of arms and the gentle nuzzling of necks. The soft brush of bodies and the linking of fingers. A special quiet, a sacred place, a tender warm embrace.
Almost always, all you need is one person. One person to sink into heaven with. Run into their memories and twist and turn yourself into their mind. Imprint them on your heart. Merge into their sounds and sights. Know them and still learn everyday.Crash into them.

The sunny smile on your face, the honeyed twinkle of your eyes, your voice melting into my thoughts, the smell of you, the feel of your fingers stroking my neck. The joys I live for.

With the knowledge of what we have, the fear of losing it never subsides. Isn't it funny.

There are a hundred ways to say that you are my world. This is just one of those hundred. :)

the space between

the space between
your heart and mine 
is the space we'll fill with time... 


Dave Matthews Band

How long has it been since I wrote?!

Yesterday I tried to write, and I sucked at it. Now I suck at various things at various levels, such as skipping, driving, breaking an egg expertly (and turning it into a fried egg), mathematics, PHYSICS, etc. (The list I should be sad to say is endless!) But all my life since I was five, I've rather prided myself on being able to write. But lately, my brains have turned to saw dust with too much of the real world. I no longer write about stuff that I used to love writing about, such as nature, rain , sunshine, love , laughter, dreams,jewellery. And I try to discourage people from visiting this place. 

So yesterday, when I decided to write a simple yet beautiful few lines, and I failed miserably,  I did what any fallen from grace 'writer' would do. I cribbed about it to my cute guy, (who told me to stop wallowing in self pity) and I wallowed about in self pity, claiming my gift had been robbed by my cruel alternate career and the mundane life that I now lead. (When did I not?! )

I've been reading a looootttttt of MOM blogs lately, and I find that having a cute house, having multiple cute children and a good camera are quite possibly enough tools for a good blog. Well I do live in a cute house, but Im not the 'woman' of the house, and I dont have even ONE cute kid, let alone multiple , and lets just not talk about my camera. I don't sit around documenting my life like I see those wonderful ladies do, but instead I go live it. I go to work (my internship) and honestly there's nothing remotedly interesting about that. Because whn I say "interning" people assume its with some hot shot advertising  / media firm, but no such luck as I intern with a chartered accountancy firm. I wish I could somehow glamourise what I do in a day, but then I probably wouldn't be able to recognize my OWN job! 

So since that takes up my entire day, and my social life is honestly, just depressing , and my love life is a secret which must remain under wraps I find that I have nothing to write about ! Which leads us to the ol forgotten, withering under a pile of dust, seldom visited, never updated- blog!

 

Aah well! 

Wouldn't you rather live the great adventure than write about it? 

 

 

the slow warmth

"Joy is sometimes a blessing, but it is often a conquest. Our magic moment help us to change and sends us off in search of our dreams. Yes, we are going to suffer, we will have difficult times, and we will experience many disappointments – but all of this is transitory it leaves no permanent mark. And one day we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we have taken."

This is of course, from my favourite, many times re-read, dog-eared book, and also written in my own hand on my soft board.

I don't quite know why, but now I associate being in love with a slow steady warmth rather than the sparky days of yore. A dreamy, certain, knowledge that I'm a part of a whole. The bliss rather than the joy. Love and the knowledge of love, that has sunk down to the bones.

And yes, we will look back with pride and faith at the journey we are taking .