Thank you

When and if  I, in a moment of weakness, replay our conversations, right from the lovey-dovey ones at the beginning to the bitter ones at the end, I see someone other than me in them.

In the giddy happiness of an adolescent I do not see myself anymore. I cannot relate to someone with such a sense of blinding happiness that it obliterates everything other than the feeling of being in love. Happiness and hope, with a spring in my step.

 

And if I, God forbid, happen to think of the last conversations we had, I see a helpless girl. A weak, pathetic being who had lesser faith in carrying on herself alone and would rather prefer to stay with a man desperately trying to get her off of his back. A sad being who was crying night after night because the "man of her dreams" was breaking up with her. I cannot relate to her either.

What you have done, unknowingly, is that you have changed me. You took a bright eyed girl and robbed her of her precious illusions.  This experience of being in love and falling out of it so drastically has changed me. I am now disillusioned and disenchanted. I no longer think of you on a pedestal and can see your many human flaws. I will see love for what it is now, the mounting highs and the stooping lows.  I am assured that I will not be swept away by the mere idea of love anymore. Head-over-heels? No, not me.

 

Also, now I know my own strength. I could jump into any number of relationships and come out unscathed because all the damage that was to be done to me, has already happened. I am no longer wearing relationship-blinkers and can see a spade for a spade.

 

So for all that, and much more, I would like to thank you. Thank you for the disillusionment.

(5th October 2010)